Love Me Argentina

I don’t have anything particularly noteworthy to write about, but I just wanted to take the time to jot this down before it passes me by. I am enjoying my time here very much. What they said about “it’s always hard at the beginning” is true. I have friends now (!!) and they call me and they ask me to spend time with them and when I do they say “you are so cool” or something silly like that. I am so cool! How did I not know this before, all this time living in my way cool self without a clue.

If nothing terribly horrible happens between now and Wednesday, I’ll be on a bus Wednesday night headed for Chile (65 dollars round trip, can you beat that?) and I won’t be back til the 31st. 10 days in Chile – my life is good. I’ll be meeting up some other Americans that are currently studying in Santiago and that I met a few weeks back in Mendoza. I’m hoping this Japanese girl from one of my classes will go with me just to make the 16 hour bus ride bearable. And because being in Argentina and going to Chile with a Japanese girl is something I never, ever, in my wildest dreams thought I would do.

Buddies:

All of us at Jose's birthday party, May 14th.

I’ve gotten pretty sappy with my posts lately and that doesn’t bother me, it just makes me see I’m a sappy, feely person. I’m fine with that.

I told myself I wouldn’t start bible-thumpin’ on this blog simply because I know in my heart that if I thought people would read it, I would write about every little experience in my relationship with God. But this time it’s good, I promise.

My parents are currently going through a lot of financial troubles. I am not because I saved enough money to live here comfortably and travel a few times. The only problem with that is that when I get back to Texas I will have to figure out how to pay for the half of my tuition that STILL isn’t growing on trees and my books and somehow find a place to live without stretching my parents even thinner.

I wanted to go home sooner because I – a) have no real purpose to be here in July and b) wanted to save that money for school and other expenses. I spent over 15 hours over a few days on the phone trying to change my ticket. I prayed (with several others) that this situation would work out, that the Lord would make it work according to his will. That’s really the hardest part, saying “alright, God, I really want THIS but if that’s not cool with you, go ahead and change it up on me.” Soon after that I found out that by moving in with a couple from church I could save a big chunk of money and stay here for the rest of July since what I’m going to pay for July rent is what it would cost to change my flight (don’t we love change fees?) Okay, that was long and complicated but the point is that I surrendered my problem because my problem was too big for me. I took this enormous leap of faith, I stopped pushing my own will (hours on the phone with Aeromexico) and now I’m in a great position – I get to save money and live with caring, loving people that have my best interest at heart. That deserves a cookie.

Still speaking of money, I lost my camera recently and I realized they weren’t kidding about winter being cold. I had to buy winter clothes today and soon I’ll have to replace my camera. :-\ I still have 10 weeks here and I have to manage my money so that I’m not completely dry when I return to TX. Why is life so complicated? I don’t feel prepared to deal with all this adult stuff. I just want to play Connect Four and study my multiplication flash cards. This constant testing and surrendering is exhausting, God! Take my checkbook, zap it with your God-zapper and give it back to me as a coloring book.

I’ve read the Psalms before as a way to learn prayers and to find words to make conversation with God. In a quiet moment I remembered this one verse and felt it ring true.

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.” – 94:19

Here’s to a delightful soul and an affordable camera with at least…6 megapixels?

I had more gusto on my way to the hospital this morning because it’s International Nurses Day and I was hoping to be included in the celebration. The surgery department sent us a LOT of chocolates called “bon-bons” and let’s just say I made sure the majority of them hadn’t gone bad. (Maybe this is why the walking “doesn’t pay off.”)

I was assigned to shadow Ana today and she had a cancer patient that was very, very sick. When we got to his room he was having “agonizing breaths” and not conscious at all. His eyes were rolled back and his body was limp. :-\ She said “he’s dying” and I opened my eyes and my mouth real wide and I shrieked, “well let’s do something!” She kept her calm voice and told me there was nothing we could do, we just had to tell the doctors about his breathing and hope that they would give him an analgesic to ease the pain.

I had no relation to this patient and I had never seen him before on this floor, but I still got the chills and that apple in my throat that makes my face red and my eyes wet. We had to leave and tend to other patients but whenever I could I would go back to his room and make sure he was still alive. Why? I don’t know. I suppose I just didn’t want him to die on my shift – while I was still around to get chills and feel something about it.

Ana went on a break around 11 am and before we left I snuck into his room one more time. I stood there for a while, saw his hopelessness, his surrender to something so much bigger than him and me and everyone else. I stood there and thought, I can handle this, I can accept this reality. Unfortunately some realities are more difficult to accept than others. I stood there and asked myself if this is really what I want to do with my life, to see pain and despair and surrender. Yes? What makes you tougher than facing the toughest things? What is more valuable than health, and what would be more worthy than helping people attain it? Or at least helping people accept that sometimes it is unattainable, it is lost.

This week I will complete a month of hospital rotations. What can I say for myself? I haven’t cried yet. Not in front of anyone. I’ve gasped and shrieked and maybe gagged a few times but I’ve maintained my composure. I am proud that at 19 I can do that. I’m proud that I can be (mostly) professional and yet still have a sense of humor and a kind compassionate heart towards people, even the people whose poop I have to wipe or whose snot I have to “vacuum.”

The cancer patient died around 11:30 this morning. I couldn’t go in his room anymore.

I was having trouble deciding on a title. You choose.

It has been tested and proven that I’m not an “outdoorsy” girl. I like the views and the clean air and the awe that comes with Argentina’s geography. I just don’t like carrying loads of stuff up inclined dirt roads on cold windy mornings while the bag in my hand makes red burning creases. I don’t like sleeping on the hard ground and wishing someone was there to keep me warm, to listen to the sounds of the wind outside the tent and to look up at the stars, the ones that you can almost touch because the sky is so clear.

We left early on Saturday morning, all frazzled because most of my group had not slept the night before – instead they had partied til 6 am, gone to Spencer’s apartment and had eggs and wine for breakfast. (Not my cup of tea, err mate.) The ride there was entertaining, to say the least.I had slept well, but I had the feeling you get when you get on rollercoaster you know you shouldn’t have gotten on.

The camping was satisfying. We got to set up camp right by a small creek and the water was so clean we could refill our jugs with it. The fee for camping there was 10 pesos. That’s 2.70 in dollars. Joke? No.

We climbed one of the mountains on Saturday afternoon and it was freezing cold at the top but the feeling of accomplishment warmed my insides. And the view! I literally saw the whole world. Unfortunately I didn’t get to take pictures at the top because I lost my camera somewhere along the way. I only remember having it and then not having it. Oh well. I was thinking about buying a new one, but I wanted to do it of my own will- most things are better that way.

I remember writing a few weeks ago about not having friends and working to be the kind of person that can be okay alone. This weekend I found myself with 8 other fun people my age, and I have to admit that out of all of them I was the quietest. I wasn’t the center of attention most interesting funniest cutest wiitiest or -est of anything. I was mostly just there, listening and observing. I didn’t need to be seen or heard to enjoy it, I just had to enjoy it. That’s something I’m thankful for because life is giving me more even when I put in less. And so what if I didn’t tell the funniest joke or showed up in the most pictures? I was still there.

The ride back home was mostly down-mountain and the sunset was amazing. Red and yellow and orange and shadows and light and “wow.” Definitely worth all the uphill huffing and puffing of the weekend.

I’ll show up in some of my friends’ pictures and I’ll post them later. Moving at the end of the month, maybe going to Mar Chiquita this weekend.

UPDATE: Pictures I found on Facebook:

I apologize in advance for any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors because I’m on my friend’s Macbook which happens to have a very strange German keyboard. (Those Europeans, always trying to be so…un-American.)

The past few days have been quite dramatic and life-changing and it’s mostly all my fault. It is a definite YES that I am moving out at the end of the month, and that in itself has caused problems with my host mom that I didn’t see coming. We are civil to each other, but not convivial and jolly like we used to be back when I didn’t know she was stashing my money away in her piggy bank. 

I’ve been told I can’t move at the middle of this month because she’s already been paid for May and it’s up to her what she does with the money. She won’t split it with me. Part of me is aggravated with that, because I tend to get these great plans in my mind and I’m really determined to make them happen and then when they don’t…it all just falls apart in my head and it clutters the space I could have for other things, mainly things like what’s for dinner or tea time. (woo! how’s that for a run-on? it’s the keyboard’s fault.)

The other part of me is understanding – my host mom’s son recently lost his job and she used a big chunk of my rent money to help him out. I get that, and I feel for her. I also feel 300 crisp green dollars (that would be 1122 pesos, y’all) slipping out of my reach forever. *melancholy sigh*

To lift my spirits I’ve decided to do something I’ll probably regret: go camping. We are leaving at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow to middle-of-nowhere Argentina and spending all of Saturday and Sunday there. I’m going for the potential friendship-making experience and the beef made over firewood. I am not going with the intention of enjoying nature or standing in awe of God’s wonderful creation, but I’m sure cheesy stuff like that will end up happening. 

I found out our fall break is not until the last week of May, so make that trip to Chile in x minus 13 days. 

Stay tuned for my “camping was awesome/cold/terrible/tiring/fulfilling” post.

Alright, here comes a big chunk of info but I’ll write it in short sentences so maybe it’ll make more sense.

1. The nurses at the hospital made it very clear that the amount of money I am paying for housing and food is terrifically outrageous, about 3 times what a normal person would pay to live here.

2. I asked my host mom if I could just pay her rent and keep the rest of the money, buy my own food, cook on my own, do my own stuff without her having to take care of me so much. She said no (obviously she would lose about half of the income.)

3. A couple in my church have offered to let me live with them for about 1/3 of what I’m paying at this house.

4. I’m moving out at the end of this month.

5. I might move out sooner than that if I can come to an agreement with my host mom about May rent.

6. I won’t have to go into my own pocket for money for a long time, if at all, anymore.

7. I still haven’t been able to change my airplane ticket, and now that I’m saving 400 dollars a month on rent, I think I want to stay.

8. It was hard to talk to my host mom about money but it was worth it. You gotta fight for what you want, right? And you have to stand up for yourself when you’re getting ripped off.

9. I had plans for this weekend but it may end up being moving weekend.

10. I’ll be in Chile in x minus 6.5 days!

Lots of news coming up in the next few days! They could be good or bad, but cross your fingers that they’ll be just right.

Made burritos today with a friend. Guacamole out the wazoo. Sweet delicious life.:)

This is daily life.

I was at a kiosco (a small hole in the wall store that sells everything, and there’s one on every corner) buying a snack and I had my iPod headphones in my ears. There was a middle-aged woman next to me, and I made a hand gesture that told her to go ahead in front of me. She said “no no, you were first.” So I went ahead. Then she made a comment like, “these kids nowadays, always with their ugly iPods in their ears…” and I didn’t hear it quite right so I said “excuse me?” and she said “that’s right, you can’t hear because you always have that thing in your head.” I was shocked by her rudeness and I said, “ma’am, I turned my iPod off before I got here, and I didn’t understand because of the way you talk, not because of the volume of your speech.” She huffed, puffed, bought herself a single cigarette and waddled away.

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Yesterday I rode the bus home from downtown after walking 50 minutes (why am I not thinner, with all this walking!) to the movie theatre only to find out the movie was not playing there, the newspaper listing was wrong (grunt). Anyway, on the bus. In front of me there was a young man fully asleep with his head hanging low and lots of little kiddy toys next to him. He was a street vendor. He almost fell over completely because he was asleep so I had to hold him for the whole bus ride. Had I not been there, would people have let him fall on his side, hit his head, and go on sleeping on the bus? I worry.

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I’m not trying to toot my horn or anything, but men here are very…forward. I can walk down the street and get lots of unsolicited attention. Today I was walking home and this man, 45-ish years old (creepy) saw me, looked me up and down, and started saying things like, “oh, hello gorgeous, so pretty, come here pretty lady, come with me…” All in Spanish and with a very creepy tone.  This isn’t the first time that it happened and I usually just keep walking but today I busted out laughing. Giggle attack, for reals. I think that turned him off because he stopped. I don’t usually burst out in laughter when this happens, but today was special because I just got a haircut, so maybe that did it. I was happy that someone noticed my haircut.

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I can buy cereal in a bag – you can buy as many scoops of Froot Loops as you want and each 100 grams is 2 pesos. I don’t get it, where are the boxes, the advertisements, the nutrition labels,  the colorful animals for the kids!? I bought some chocolate cereal. Not like cocoa puffs because they’re in shell form. I call it choco shells!

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This is a funny picture.

one of my feelings towards my new, lighter hair.

A little disclaimer before I begin: I am out of shape! Round is a shape, but it’s not the shape to be in when climbing (and descending) mountains. I have had LOTS of good food and very little intense exercise in the past two months (long gone are my kickboxing days…). Part of me is extremely disappointed with that and the other part is gleefully swimming in greasy, bready, meaty delight. And why not? When I get back to the states I can eat lean chicken breast and work out again. For now, I am soft and slow.

When I was told we would be “trekking” in the mountains, I had this mental idea that it would be smooth sailing all the way through. Not so. We went to La Quebrada del Condorito about 2 hours away from Cordoba. It’s called a “quebrada” or “break” because it’s a giant slit between mountains  and it has a river running through it. Amazing, really!

We got to the park, walked uphill for an hour and a half, slowly descended for about 40 minutes down this enormous mountain that was like a jungle on the way down. We got to hang out by the river for a while and I thought that was it. I was wrong. There was another huge mountain so we could see the full view of all the mountains around us. I literally thought I was going to pass out on the way up. It was not pretty. It was rocky and uneven and all mountain-like. And hot. And backpack. And sweat. And hot. And huff and puff and how much longer?

But once we got to the top, it was incredible! Definitely worth the agonizing journey up. The journey back was just as difficult but I made it.  I had to talk to myself and try to stay positive as the group went on ahead of me. Why are they running up the hill, I wondered. I was going on turbo and they seemed to be just fine, gliding up the damn thing like it was just another stroll in the park. Oh well, I made it eventually and I ate lots of crackers at the end to compensate.

Some pictures:

wow!

My dramatic shot, oooh la la.

I didn’t get to take pictures on the up-climb because it wasn’t safe to have stuff in my hands and if I dropped my camera I’d cry. Plus my sweaty look wasn’t so flattering.

Onward to week 10.

I’m sure that in the distant future I’ll see this and I’ll think, man, that was a piece of cake, I can’t believe I whined so much. But right now is whining time, so I’m lettin’ her rip.

I sent an email to the head director at the study abroad office just to see if someone around here could prove himself useful. In the email, I said this: ” I was supposed to take UNC courses here but the staff here was never able to find classes for me to take that would give me credit at UT, so I ended up taking PECLA courses.”

PECLA is the school for international students learning Spanish. The classes are easy and boring (for me.) The part that started some drama was the “staff here was never able to find classes for me” part. The advisor here apparently got in trouble because I said that, and now I’m the bad guy.

But let’s back up a bit.

After that phrase I said “that would give me credit at UT” not “at all.” And the overall purpose of the email was to get my rent money for July back, not to start some dramatic email chain about how (un)well the advisors do their job. In my opinion, the program is poop and nobody should come to this university expecting to get college credit, period. So now on top of trying to get my money for July’s rent, I’m dealing with people’s hurt feelings. Awesome.

And I’ll only be getting July’s rent if I can manage to leave before July, which is another story. Oh, the struggle stories just pile up here, don’t they? I apparently bought a ticket that was unchangeable. It’s news to me too. I spent 6 hours on the phone today arguing with airline companies and Orbitz. They still haven’t changed my ticket. I won’t get into the details because they confuse me, and I’ve been talking about them for 6 hours. I’m so drained.:(

Tomorrow will be “fix drama” day – I get to go talk to my advisors here, apologize for unintentionally calling them out on their incompetence and try to get the airlines to agree on something.

I wish I had good friends here. I haven’t had a good hard laugh in a long time. Why has it been so hard to make the best of this? I’m a fun girl, I swear.

Looking forward to trekking in the mountains this weekend.