Love Me Argentina

I am less than 48 hours away from being in the sky, on my way home.

There were 5 people at my going-away party (the friends version, not the family version) and I feel like that’s a good number. I made 5 good friends here, and I’m satisfied. Surely I will see them again in the future.

At the end of the 5 months, what can I say?

I am amazed that God has used this opportunity to meet me halfway and make this experience worthwhile. I am thankful that I was able to overcome (but not always win) every struggle. I am pleased with myself, for the most part.

I am taking back 12 pounds more than I originally had on my body, and I’m struggling with that, but I’m going back to the gym and shedding them soon. I realized here that life is enjoyable no matter what size you are.

I learned to slow down and enjoy. I learned that life is too short to work all the time. Life is too short to do anything all the time.

I’m honestly not in the mood to reflect. I would like to come back to this blog but I don’t know if I will. The memories are safely tucked in my heart and I intend to keep them there.

Let me direct you to my latest project: Numbered Confessions.

Just in case you haven’t heard about it, www.soulpancake.com is a great website. I can spend a good chunk of time reading the questions, the topics, and most importantly, others’ responses. I came upon this question today, and I don’t want to forget my answers.

If a revolution took place in your mind and heart, what three opinions and sentiments would it entail?

From the department of I’m still trying to figure myself out, voila!

1. I will love myself no matter what. At whatever height, weight, hair color, age, in whatever place, realationship, or situation. I will not talk bad about myself.

2. I will pursue the things that seem too good to be true. I will never say I can’t.

3. I will be more responsible with my finances. I will write stuff down and keep receipts. I will not get in debt.

Okay, so each of those had more than one snuck in there, but I’m complex! I even considered going for a 4th one. Waaatch out.

Quote by Che Guevara

“To be demanding is to be so human that you only reach for the best of being human, that the best of man may be purified through work, study, and continuous solidarity with the community.”

Anyone up for a personal revolution?

Hold on tight.

Lately I’ve been thinking often of how I would summarize this experience. How can I fit every frustrating, exhilirating, disappointing, awesome moment (they weren’t all pretty!) into words, or at least into a blog post? I don’t know. But I’m here, aren’t I?

But honestly, that’s not what I want to do. I still have two weeks to summarize 5 months. And I hate summaries. I prefer the novel. Never did the whole SparkNotes thing, for reasons of pleasure.

In all sincerity I have nothing impressive to say. I spend my days going for walks on these sunny winter days, practicing guitar, cooking with Tabitha, reading the gospel of Matthew with Tabitha, bothering Tabitha while she works, speaking French and English and Spanish, getting frustrated with myself and then laughing at it. All of it.

I drink lots of hot tea. I’ve become quite the connoisseur, actually. Subsequently my teeth are turning yellow and my insides are always warm.

Last night I went a birthday party which I thought was going to be free food and fun and festivities (the 3 F’s!). It was Not free food, which I  was a little caught off by. Don’t invite me to your party and then make me pay for all the beef I ate that eventually made me sick blegh I hate parties anyway I’m gonna become a vegetarian blegh blegh blegh.

David and I, exercising our candidness at party.

Afterward we went to a bar. I do like all of the people I was with, with the exception of one or two girls. I’m still trying to decide if I don’t like them because of the way they act (annoying and obviously promiscuous), or because they’re prettier than me. Ha. Probably both.

Anyway, I’m sitting at this bar with 8 other people and I just want a diet coke because I can feel the heartburn coming on. No diet coke. Not even gassy water. But it wasn’t just the lack of good carbonated beverages that made me unhappy. Something inside me said,

“you have no business being here. This is not fulfilling or exciting or joyful. It’s not extraordinary. Everybody goes to bars. It’s not *really* fun. There’s no diet coke. It’s late. Go home. Go home. Go to bed. Go to bed and don’t feel bad, it’s okay. But just. don’t. be. here.”

Eventually I left. And I don’t regret leaving. I do regret not listening to that voice early on in the night, when I could have left the party without paying. I understand that there are some things that please other (young) people but they don’t please me. I like hot tea and books. I like writing about how low my self-esteem is sometimes. I like buying scarves and wearing them when I read books. I like to feel good when I play a whole song on the guitar. I like to accomplish, to use this time to become a more well-rounded person.

Rounded I have become, with about 10 extra pounds going back to TX. Such is life. You win, you lose, you eat a lot of pastries. Someone empathize, please!

Last week I saw THE purse of my dreams but I was short on cash to buy it. Today I am on a quest.

MORE beef, anyone?